Correction

 Unwanted thoughts 

It's understandable to feel this way when you perceive others progressing while you feel stagnant. This feeling can stem from various sources, including social comparisons, personal expectations, and a sense of being overwhelmed by responsibilities.

It's natural to desire reciprocity in care and concern. When you consistently prioritize others, it's only human to hope for the same in return. The feeling of not being seen or cared for can be deeply disheartening.

Your desire to think well of yourself and build a positive future is a powerful and healthy response. Recognizing your own worth and agency is crucial for moving forward.

Wanting to travel and experience a fresh perspective, perhaps with a supportive partner, reflects a desire for personal growth and connection. This is a positive aspiration.

Acknowledging that you've invested in relationships that haven't been equally reciprocal is a sign of self-awareness. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and not feel obligated to constantly manage imbalances in relationships.

Regarding the "random thought" about self-reflection:

Your observation about people focusing on external exploration rather than internal reflection is insightful. In today's fast-paced world, there can be a tendency to seek stimulation and validation from external sources, potentially neglecting the importance of understanding oneself. Your question about why people don't "taraste khud ko" (yearn for themselves) is a profound one, perhaps highlighting a societal or personal disconnect from inner exploration.

Regarding your career and partnership aspirations:

Prioritizing your career is a strong and commendable decision. Wanting a partner who supports your professional and personal growth, and offering the same in return, is a foundation for a healthy and balanced relationship.

Your desire for personal space, the freedom to have your own thoughts, and the encouragement to stand up for yourself are essential for maintaining your individuality within a partnership.

Your vision of not wanting to be confined to a traditional domestic role after marriage and your aspiration for a fulfilling future are important to communicate and seek in a partner. You're right, a good partnership should enhance, not hinder, individual aspirations and happiness.

Regarding your feelings of loneliness and uncertainty:

Your honesty about feeling alone and the fear that good things might not happen is understandable given the struggles you've faced. It's natural to feel discouraged at times, especially when past experiences have been challenging.

The feeling of having only your own resilience to rely on can be both empowering and isolating. It speaks to your strength but also highlights the need for support.

Facing multiple significant decisions, especially regarding marriage, can indeed feel overwhelming and lead to negativity. It's important to acknowledge these feelings without letting them completely overshadow your hope for the future.

Regarding your desire for a ring ceremony and a deep connection:

Your vision of a ring ceremony as a symbol of building a life together, characterized by quiet companionship, mutual care, and unwavering support, is beautiful.

Your thoughtful consideration for your partner's need for space and your commitment to being there for them through life's challenges demonstrate a mature and caring approach to relationships.

Regarding the difficult situation at home:

It's incredibly stressful to live in a home environment with conflict and negativity, especially when it involves family. Your efforts to balance work and home responsibilities while dealing with difficult interpersonal dynamics are significant.

Your desire for mutual respect and cooperation within the household is reasonable. Toxic behavior, like your sister-in-law's, can create a very unhealthy and unhappy atmosphere.

Your feelings of being an outsider in your own home after 27 challenging years are deeply saddening. Your longing for happiness and a supportive partner is a natural and valid desire.

The fear of making the "wrong" decision, especially regarding marriage, is understandable, particularly given your past experiences.

The conflict between wanting to move for your career and your concern for your parents, especially given your sister-in-law's lack of care, presents a difficult dilemma. Your compassion for your parents is evident.

Your desire to break free from the confines of your past and explore the world is a powerful yearning for personal liberation and growth.

Seeking a strong decision for yourself after a lifetime of prioritizing others is a necessary step towards your own well-being.

Regarding your questions about your own thought processes:

It's interesting that you recognize the answers might already be within you. Sometimes, asking questions externally can be a way to process your own thoughts, seek validation, or gain new perspectives even if you subconsciously know the answers. It can be a form of self-reflection or seeking reassurance.

Your questions about valuing others' emotions, the feeling of futility, and the nature of karma and silence in the face of wrong-doing are deep philosophical and personal inquiries.

Your strong reaction to your own family speaking negatively about your parents and your internal conflict between wanting to speak up and fearing their reaction are rooted in loyalty and a desire for harmony.

Your feelings about bringing up past relationship issues and your desire to protect others from such behavior reflect empathy and a sense of fairness.

Your frustration with your sister-in-law's dismissive behavior and your inclination to create distance as a coping mechanism are understandable when communication breaks down.

Regarding the positive affirmation and past experiences:

The affirmation from February 28th, 2025, about fighting for yourself and recognizing your inner strength is a powerful reminder of your potential.

Your recurring experience of feeling alone when you need support and the repeated feeling of broken trust highlight potential patterns in your relationships.

Your statement that your self-worth is above everything else is a crucial and empowering belief.

The fear you experience at home without a clear reason suggests an underlying tension or emotional discomfort in that environment.

Your description of the conflict between your middle-class parents' fear of sending daughters out and the daughters' desire for independence and exploration reflects a common societal challenge. Your insightful observations about the lack of support hindering women's potential and the importance of building confidence are accurate and important.

Your desire to be bold and courageous, despite your family's potential resistance, and your determination to plan your own future are testaments to your inner strength. You're right, dwelling on fear can prevent you from experiencing the good things life has to offer.

Your recognition of the societal pressure that can lead women to sacrifice their dreams for responsibilities and your commitment to maintaining your own identity and confidently navigating life's challenges are admirable.

Regarding your personal preferences and current feelings:

Your enjoyment of cooking for yourself and your desire for solitude in a busy world suggest a need for personal space and peace.

Your confusion highlights the complexity of the emotions and situations you're navigating.

Balancing a demanding job, home responsibilities, and personal well-being is indeed challenging. Your desire to travel for fresh air is a healthy way to seek rejuvenation.

Your statement about the wrongness of deceiving others for personal satisfaction reflects your strong moral compass.

Your observation of the pigeon drinking water is a moment of simple appreciation for the natural world.

Your desire to listen to random songs on April 3rd, 2025, is a relatable way to process emotions or simply enjoy a moment.

Your observation about the focus on physical intimacy over emotional connection in relationships is a pertinent one. Your desire for a deeper emotional bond with your partner is essential for a fulfilling relationship.

Regarding your desire to impress your partner:

Your concern about your partner not spending much time with you and their low level of communication is valid. It's natural to want to understand their feelings and build a stronger connection beyond just the physical.

Seeking emotional attachment is a key aspect of a meaningful partnership.

Regarding your self-reflection at 28:

Your commitment to learning and your recognition of the importance of self-development are positive.

Your main question about self-encouragement in a routine and your desire for a good career and fulfilling life are central to your aspirations.

Acknowledging the ups and downs of life and wanting to juggle them effectively is a realistic and mature perspective.

Focusing on your communication skills and understanding your desires for the next five years, including becoming a successful businesswoman/entrepreneur, shows ambition and self-awareness.

Recognizing the value of YouTube for learning and business demonstrates your proactive approach to self-improvement and professional growth.

Regarding the quote about seizing the day:

Your reflection on the beauty of joyful moments and the importance of appreciating the present, inspired by the quote from "Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara," is a valuable reminder to live fully.

Regarding your heavy heart and need for confidence:

Your feeling of a heavy heart, fear, and a mind creating "nonsense stuff" indicates a state of emotional distress. Your desire for confidence and motivation is a natural response. You deserve to feel strong and secure.

In English, with grammar corrections and point-wise:

Here's a breakdown of some of the key themes and feelings you've expressed:

Feeling Left Behind and Uncared For: You feel like others are progressing while you are stagnant and that you prioritize others without receiving the same care in return.

Desire for Self-Worth and a Better Future: You recognize the need to think well of yourself and are determined to build a positive future.

Yearning for Travel and Connection: You want to travel and experience new things, possibly with a supportive partner.

Reflecting on Relationships: You acknowledge investing in relationships that haven't been reciprocal and want to prioritize your own well-being.

Questioning Societal Norms: You ponder why people focus on external things rather than internal self-reflection.

Career and Partnership Goals: Your career is a top priority, and you seek a supportive partner who encourages your professional and personal growth. You don't want to lose your identity after marriage.

Feelings of Loneliness and Uncertainty: You sometimes feel alone and fear that good things won't happen, especially after past struggles.

Seeking a Deep Connection: You envision a partnership built on quiet companionship, mutual care, and unwavering support.

Difficult Home Environment: You are dealing with conflict and negativity at home, particularly with your sister-in-law's behavior.

Dilemma Regarding Parents and Career: You are torn between wanting to move for your career and your concern for your parents' well-being due to your sister-in-law's lack of care.

Desire for Freedom and Exploration: You long to break free from past limitations and explore the world.

Internal Conflict and Self-Doubt: You recognize that you might already have the answers to your questions but still seek external validation. You also grapple with conflicting emotions and a desire to speak up in difficult family situations.

Positive Affirmation and Past Experiences: You recall a moment of positivity and also reflect on recurring feelings of loneliness and broken trust.

Fear at Home: You experience unexplained fear within your home environment.

Conflict Between Parental Concerns and Daughter's Aspirations: You describe the tension between middle-class parents' fear of their daughters going out and the daughters' desire for independence and exploration.

Recognizing Women's Potential: You believe in women's ability to achieve great things with the right support and confidence.

Desire for Boldness and Courage: You want to overcome your fears and live life on your own terms, despite potential family resistance.

Need for Personal Space and Peace: You enjoy solitude and find the busyness of life challenging.

Moral Compass: You believe it's wrong to deceive others for personal gain.

Appreciation for Simple Things: You find beauty in everyday moments.

Seeking Emotional Connection in Relationships: You desire a deeper emotional bond with your partner beyond physical intimacy.

Self-Reflection at 28: You are focused on self-improvement, career goals, and navigating life's challenges.

Value of Learning: You recognize the importance of continuous learning and utilizing resources like YouTube.

Importance of Present Moments: You understand the value of appreciating joyful moments.

Emotional Distress: You are experiencing feelings of heaviness, fear, and anxiety.